the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Can Purell be used as lube?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
