Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
