so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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