yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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