How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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