I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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