So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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