It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
