I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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