did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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