I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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