I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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