Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize