I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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