problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
When are your genitals available?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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