Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
