we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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