my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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