he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
