nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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