Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
