It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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