She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
