So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
