proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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