What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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