Pants 0. Shit 1.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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