dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
