i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
