how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
