I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
