i need an iv and a liver transplant
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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