I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
