True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Randomize
