Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
