after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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