using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
