two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
