I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i think i have two assholes
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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