Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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