I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
