My brain says no but my pants say off.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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