I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
