Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize