she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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