It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize