It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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