Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
