I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
