im drinking this country out of the recession.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Randomize
