what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
