D3 body, D1 cock
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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