So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
