I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
