Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Randomize
