I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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