I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
