i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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