There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I need to align my fucking chakras
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
