There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
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