guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
