How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
