There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
