You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
