I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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