can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
