Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
