please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
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