Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
We talked him into tasing himself.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
