i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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