I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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