Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
