He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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