they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
