I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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