How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
