Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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