my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Mom said you looked used
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
